Working Interning in the counseling/psychology field often leads to some pretty projection of disorders onto yourself. This was the very FIRST thing that I was told in Abnormal Psych, and I hold onto it.

Yesterday in a clinical staff meeting, a therapist was speaking about her client who had a crippling anxiety about right and wrong. I had a moment of feeling sorry for the client, and then I realized that during high school I was that client. I had a breakdown in class because a teacher was making us draw, and I was terrible at drawing, and I wanted to do it RIGHT, and I physically couldn’t. That was the closest I’ve come to yelling at a teacher (and I’ve had some horrid teachers). Somehow being forced to do that was helpful, and I began forcing myself to do things that were wrong.

Lately I’ve been okay with doing things that are wrong, with taking bigger risks, and not beating myself up or feeling humiliated at the end. I’m so grateful that daily I’m able to grow more and more out of being that person obsessed with right/wrong, out of being so anxious to do something imperfectly that I could hardly move. I’m so grateful to have the space to learn to do this, both with my friends and family, and within my own head. I absolutely know not everyone is that lucky, and I’m not wanting to put this out there as a brag or as the notion that everyone should just get over it (hardly!). I had just so totally not recognized that I’ve begun healing from this that it came as a shock, and a wonderful one at that.